Beer Part 3: Is Germany a Beer Snob?

Germany has a great beer culture.  It's just wonderful.  But it's a beer snob in my opinion[1].  In Germany's defense, though... who isn't?  I know I am.  Everyone spends at least a little bit of time talking about which beer is better.   I'll present my argument for why I think so, and you decide for yourself.

Beer is something that bring's people together in a way.  It's fun to try the local brew and experience the almost infinite varieties of beer tastes.  Everyone's going to have different opinions.  I'll get into why Germany is a beer snob, but before that... here are a couple things about Germans and their beer:

- You can walk around with your beers in town.
- You can even drink as a passenger in a car.

- You don't throw an empty bottle away.  You set it next to a trash can and someone comes and takes it for the 8 cents that it's worth.  

- Beer is generally rather inexpensive at Bars (sometimes cheaper than water).  

- They got the Reinheitsgebot and they are quite proud of that.  

- There are 1300 breweries in Germany, making 5000 different types of beer and they are probably all quite good.  

- Every location seems to have it's specific type of beer, for instance, each of these places has this and more: 

           - Düsseldorf has Alt 

           - Köln (or Cologne) has Kölsch.  

           - Munich has Helles and Hefeweizen.  

           - Berlin has Berliner Weisse.  

           - Hamburg has Astra.  

           - Pilsner, which is a Czech beer originally and what a Budweiser is, is all over Germany it seems.  You can almost always count on a Pilsner being in the bar. 

           - And Frankfurt has Apple wine[2].  It's not beer, but you gotta try it! 

So all of these beers are easy to find in their respective regions, but in other regions of Germany it may be hard to find.  And I live in the land of mostly Kölsch beer... I'm not complaining, but let's just say it's not my favorite. 

More cultural things: 

- Germany's been making beer for thousands of years and as far as I know the thought of a "prohibition" never even entered the mind of a German.  

- They drink like champs.  Germany has the third highest beer consumption per capita (behind Czech and Austria) while the U.S. is falling in at a measly 14th (pick it up, people!).  

- And everyone loves David Hasselhoff.

It's safe to say that German beer culture is quite a bit different than American beer culture.  Both have their pros and cons.  I can't say which is better.  It would be great if we had the ability to walk and drink a beer in the U.S.  But it would also be great if I could get a good West Coast IPA here in Germany.  I guess you just can't have it all.  

Here's one interesting thing about Germany and its beer.  I hate to say it, but Germany is a beer snob.  

And here's why: 

- Germany basically only offers Germany beer. 
- Cities don't even offer the neighboring city's beer. 
- They call American beer piss... but I'm pretty sure they don't try anything other than the piss beer we have. 
- They have a 500-year-old law that permits only 4 ingredients, and you think that anything else that has more than these ingredients is not beer. [3]

It's an interesting thing actually.  I can even get on board with the idea that "pure" beer only has 4 ingredients.  But you can't say that adding different flavors to beer makes it not beer.  Just because I like a little bit of seasoning on my steak doesn't mean that it's not steak.  

And to not offer beer other than German beer in Germany?  Or not even Alt beer in Köln?  What is that all about?  Seems like an unfair monopoly or something.  Maybe that's the thinking... if you only offer Kölsch in Köln, then you stimulate the local economy a little bit.  Very practical.  No competition.  

In Germany, sometimes you find Belgian beer, but rarely do you find a bar that has anything more than that.  I make trips to Holland to buy some beers from U.S., Belgium, Holland, or whatever.  They have all kinds of options.  But not in Germany.  It's pretty much all German beer. 

You see... I realized all of this in Ireland.  A wonderful country that has delicious beer.   They even sold German beer.  And American, English, Belgian, Netherlands, etc.  I was able to find all kinds of varieties... totally un-snobbish.  They say, "Hey if you don't like Irish beer, here's Budweiser, Becks, Heineken, or Sierre Nevada IPA on tap."   It was a stark difference from Germany.

I'm a beer snob.  I will gladly say that light beer tastes like carbonated water.  And in that case, I'll just have a carbonated water instead (delicious).  And I can even get behind the idea that beer with other ingredients in it isn't really beer in the "pure" sense of the word.  But that doesn't stop Germans from mixing beer with Sprite or Coke.  And I'll take a Summer Shandy over a Radler (which is beer mixed with Sprite) any day.  Summer Shandy while playing some beach volleyball pushes that one up to great. 

Side Stories that may or may not be relevant to anything:

1. Technically, I think only a person can be a beer snob, but I'm personifying Germany, in this case.  
2. You gotta try the Apple wine in Frankfurt.  Apple wine and the American classic movie Wicker Man with Nicholas Cage.  You're in for a good night.
3. I don't even really understand why they have that law.  I've tried to figure it out.  One person told me it was for safety, another was to protect Bavaria from the shitty tasting beers of the north (my paraphrase), another was about controlling the price of wheat and rye.  

Beer Part 2: My Personal Opinion on Beer Quality

Ok.  Part 2 of my who knows how many part series on Beer.   I want to state quickly that nothing I say should really be taken too seriously.  I don't know that much about beer.  I'm just some dude who drinks it and likes to talk a lot.

First, let's recap real quick about "Beer Part 1."  I think that the U.S. has better beer than Germany.  Ok.  Good recap.

I'd even say more than Belgium beer.  They seem to specialize in really strong beers.  For them an 8% alcohol beer is about normal.  I'm used to 5-6%.  That's just me though.  I still like their beer.  Except for their Sour Beer.  I could put a spike in bad beer for Belgium when it comes to Sour Beer.  I tried a sip of it, and that was enough for me.  But I haven't liked sour things so much since I had way to many sour skittles one time.  

You see, I'm not a big beer connoisseur, but I enjoy the variety that we get in the U.S.  And I like that in the liquor stores you can often buy beer from all over the U.S.  I threw a few beers into a graph according to my personal opinion: 

The U.S. has a wide spread on the quality axis, and we do have somewhat of a specialty in the shitty beer arena.   

Maybe I was being a bit generous with Budweiser.  

Maybe not generous enough with Leffe Brune.  

I threw in some Minnesota beers at the top (whoop whoop!).  A good Trappist beer from Belgium is always awesome.  

I kept the German beers in the good vicinity.  

I put Guinness in the great category [1].  Partially cause you can always count on an Irish Pub having a great atmosphere.

Yes I did put Alt above Kölsch.  I prefer Alt to Kölsch beer.  If anyone from Köln wants prove to me that Kölsch is better than Alt then I welcome them to buy me beer :)  I'll keep an open mind.

There happens to be a bit or a rivalry between Köln and Düsseldorf.  Everyone from Düsseldorf seems to like Alt beer, and everyone from Köln seems to like Kölsch.  Ok.  That's pretty normal, you tend to appreciate beers where you are from.  I can get behind that.  But the strange thing is this.  They won't even serve Alt beer in Köln or Kölsch in Düsseldorf.  So I like to go into bars in Köln and ask for an Alt beer, just to mess with them.  

Side Stories that may or may not be relevant to anything:

1. We toured the Guinness factory when we were in Dublin.  It was a good time.  The Guinness stew was absolutely to die for.  And of course the Guinness at the end of the tour was delicious as it always is.  I think it was even better in Dublin.  Especially after we learned how to properly drink it and observe it.  Did you know that it's a dark ruby red color not just black?  Apparently it takes really keen eyes cause I can't really tell.  It was a good tour... it may have been even better if we could drink the Guinness while we were doing the tour.  This video with Conan is a pretty good and funny depiction of what it was like: 

German Beer or American Beer - which is better??

And we're back!  It's been a while since I've blogged.  So I thought I'd come out nice and easy.  Try not to hit any sensitive areas.  But then I decided to hell with that.  I'm gonna talk about something that is very dear in the hearts of the German people.  We're going to talk about beer.  It's something that the Germans have been making for thousands of years.  Many years before Columbus sailed the ocean blue. 

Germans have been making beer for a very long time.  They've had thousands of years to perfect it, altering the ingredients a bit and the process of making it.  Now for some reason or another, about 500 years ago, they issued a law called the "Reinheitsgebot."  The Reinheitsgebot stipulated that you could use only barley, hops, and water may be used to make the brew.  And what I can say about that is that those 4 ingredients make a good quality beer.  And Germans are quite proud of their beer.  Which is why I'm nervous to say what I'm gonna say next. 

I think that the U.S. has better beer. 

Now I know that every German is like, "Ach quatsch!  Amerikanisches Bier schmeckt wie Pisse!"  Which roughly translates to: "Fiddlesticks!  American beer tastes like piss!" 

For some reason when I say that American beer is better, they seem to get all riled up and start dissing our beer in the U.S.  Fair enough, but let me form a rebuttal.  

Here is why American beer is better in my personal opinion.  

This graph demonstrates the key idea that I think that Belgium and Germany have lower standard deviations.  They have several different types of beer that are "really good" and "good," but they stick with what they've been doing for the last 3,000 years.  Which means that -- again… this is all my opinion, but please don't hate me… I like German beer! -- it just means that in my opinion, Germans beers are missing a little creativity. 

Which is why I think the U.S. has a wider variety.  The U.S. is a new country.  We don't have a 3,000 year old beer culture and we don't have any law that says we can only use 4 ingredients.  So we're like little kids at the fountain soda machine!  We wanna try all of the flavors1, and we want to try all of the different combinations too.  You never know!  You might invent the next best soda! 

That's what we do in the U.S. with beer.  We throw lemon in there, lime, raspberries, chocolate, probably blueberries (I donno, but probably), coffee, ect. 

I wouldn't be surprised if there was a beer with avocado or something in it.  Ok.  Yup… I just looked it up… Avocado Ale.

Now the fact that there is an Avocado Ale that comes out of L.A. doesn't surprise me at all, but if I were to tell that to a group of Germans and then take a picture it would probably be the best picture of disgusted faces of all time.

What that means is yes, we have a lot of shitty beers in the U.S.  So I agree with the Germans when they say that our beer tastes like piss.  It certainly is.  But we do things to these shitty beers to shift them to the right on the quality-axis… maybe getting it to "not bad."  We add pickles or olives to beers like bud light (again with the disgusted faces).  But what you need to realize is that we're taking our shitty beer and trying to make it better!  That's the creativity that I'm talking about.  Americans all over the place are doing whatever they can to make shitty beer taste better. 

I'll do an experiment with you to prove my point about this.  I hypothesize that if I google "How to make a shitty beer taste better" I will come up with all kinds of options, but if I google in German "Geschmack von Bier verbessern" on google.de I won't come up with anything. 

Ok…

So it turns out that the first option on google is some sort of invention to make beer taste better that looks simply like a french press, but it's for beer.  And every site after that had ideas as well.  One was to drop a jolly rancher in the beer! 

Now on google.de I see that the german wiki how has an idea of adding some lemon, tomato juice, Tabasco, and salt.  Sounds delicious!  I'd try it!

The next one is where a guy talks about how beer tastes better in a glass then out of a bottle.  He even makes a stab at American beer by saying that American beer always comes without a glass.2   And then he goes on to say how pouring the beer is very important, bla bla bla. 

Actually, it's what I would expect for an answer.  Ask a German how to make a beer taste better and they say, "drink it out of a glass that way you can smell it too." Ask and American person how to make a beer better and they start throwing jolly ranchers in it and pulling out their french press and mixing stuff in with it.  It's because Germans are mostly drinking good beers (see graph above) and Americans are very often stuck drinking lots of shitty beers (not necessarily by choice!  You just can't escape it!)… in which case we throw in pickles or olives or something.  If we had mostly good beers in the U.S. we probably wouldn't do it either. 

The next German site on google was about what Alcoholic free beer tastes like.  And I'm not going to tell you the 4th result because it's so irrelevant an definitely not appropriate for this conversation!  (check it out if you're interested) 

So in conclusion of the experiment, you can see that I have a point. 

Now you may be thinking, "sure Brian, Americans like to throw stuff in their shitty beer and they think it tastes better.  Big Deal.  You still only have "not bad" beer." 

But wait!  There's more!  Our need to make shitty beers taste better evolved into something that I like to call the Beer Revolution. 

You see… it was a long time ago (in American standards… so a few hundred years) that our colonial mothers and fathers were kicking back with a cold one made from the local brewery. 

There were thousands of breweries back in the day.  And in the late 1800s some German immigrants got in on the action started up some breweries like Budweiser, Coors, Miller, Pabst, Anchor, etc. 

But leading into in the 1920s we experienced a period of grayness that turned into utter darkness.  One of the darker times in our nation's history.  Thousands of breweries turned into just one thousand.  And in 1918 the 18th Amendment signaled the Prohibition.  A time with no alcohol, and thus no beer.  Beer production halted and the love that American's once had for beer was lost in the darkness.  It wasn't until after WWII that beer production started up again. 

After WWII, only a few of the companies survived the blow that was caused by the Prohibition, and beer was growing in popularity again.  And a few companies produced one style of beer and dominated the market.  Macrobreweries like Budweiser and Coors followed a pilsner style lager with shitty ingredients.  Giving rise to the "Shitty American Beer" that tastes like piss. 

By the 1970's there were only 60ish breweries (down from 4000).  And the major breweries dominated the United States. 

But then… through the evolution of a few people trying to make shitty beers taste better.  Microbreweries started forming in the 1970's and 80's and rising up to over 3,000 today.  And now everyone is starting up breweries.  Almost every city has one, and if it doesn't I bet there are tons of people doing it in their garage. 

And they are throwing raspberries and chocolate and everything they can think of in there to try and make a great beer. We've had too long of a time without any beer at all, and too long of a time with shitty beer to settle for just "good" or "very good beer"  We are reaching for the stars.  Everyone is trying to find out what's better than "great."  Perhaps we can find "Awesome" or "F#*king Awesome" and beyond! 

The U.S. is in the midst of a Beer Revolution!  And more and more people are climbing aboard.  And once again, we are enjoying a cold one out on the porch like our colonial mothers and fathers.  They would be so proud.

So if you do go to the land of "Shitty Beer" make sure you stay away from the macrobreweries such as Budweiser, Coors, Miller, Pabst, etc.3

And if you're in the U.S. then drink an IPA for me… they are hard to come by where I'm at.

Side Stories that may or may not be relevant to anything:

1. I once was at a gas station, and had been really looking forward to drinking a cherry coke.   It was a long day skiing and a cherry coke was gonna hit the spot.  We got big gulps.  We weren't messing around.  That is… we weren't messing around until I realized that they had flavoring options.  I thought, "hey… maybe extra cherries in my Cherry Coke would be good."  So I did it.  I put extra cherry flavoring in my Chery Coke and it was terrible.  Apparently they have added the perfect amount of cherries to the Cherry Coke.  Don't try it. 
2. I got an idea buddy.  Add a jolly rancher to that beer!
3. Interestingly, I found that these were all started by German immigrants. 

Ketchup and Mayonnaise

Buckle up for a very important blog post.  I'm going to talk one of the most vexing things about Europe.

One of the most common things that I am asked here in Europe or back at home is, "what is different?"

To introduce this topic, please watch this convo from Pulp Fiction* and note what Travolta says about french fries.

Did you catch it?  They drown their fries in mayonnaise.  At it really is as crazy as Travolta makes it sound. I'm as appalled by it as Samuel Jackson is there ;)  He is right about the small things too.  Just a bunch of little things that make the huge difference.

I myself, am a huge fan of ketchup.  And sometimes it's embarrassing asking for more ketchup, because they think I'm crazy.  They think I'm crazy because they bring the ketchup out in these tiny little packets.  You know, like the ones you grab at McD's or BK.  When I grab those in the US, I grab a handful.  So when I say to the server, "Can I have some more ketchup?"  Well naturally, he asks, "How many do you want?"  And now imagine my dilemma.  I start thinking to myself, 'How many is too many to ask to sound crazy?  The answer is of course somewhere around 4.  If you ask for 5, that's a handful.  That's a lot.  So I figure 4.  However, I need way more than 4.  I need like 10.  And now even most of the Americans, are thinking, "Whoa Brian, I was with you till you said you needed 10.  That's a bit overkill."  So, I ask for 4, and I'm learning to really enjoy my ketchup.

Why this is so important is because I like ketchup on my french fries and on my burger.  There's not enough for both!  If I don't have ketchup, then I might as well just skip the french fries.  So that's what happens.  People ask me how I've lost so much weight.  (People actually did ask me that when I was back in the US).  Well, the answer is simple.  I don't get enough ketchup with my fries, so I don't eat as many french fries.  That's gotta be it.

That or it could also be because I do a bunch of walking and biking to class.

Or perhaps because when I go shopping for food, I only have enough room in my bag for the necessities.  By the time I have water**, meat, veggies, fruit, eggs, and bread there is no room for pop or candy.  Just that little bit of inconvenience is enough to stop me from eating a bunch of junk food.

Or perhaps it's because they have different brands of candy, and I'm not willing to do the search for my new favorite types.  Look, I've spent my whole life developing my fine tuned taste for candy, I can't just start liking other candy!  Well, I could.  But it's too much effort to learn that all over again.  I got enough stuff to learn here.

So ketchup is in short supply here in Germany.  For me that is terrible.  But there are all kinds of other sauces, and some of those are good.  But I still haven't tried this so called "joppie" sauce (pronounce the "j" like a "y").  I think that's what it's called.  It's apparently all the rage.

Do you know where french fries were invented?  Someone asked me why we in the US call them french fries if they were invented in Belgium.  I said, "no, they're freedom fries."  But I didn't know they were invented in Belgium.  I looked it up on Wikipedia and it said that there has been an ongoing dispute about who invented them, France or Belgium.  I have no idea, but apparently France has our buy-in in the US.

Get this too!  I was at McDonalds, I asked for ketchup, and I was told I had to buy my ketchup!  At McDonald's!!  How ridiculous is that.  First I gotta buy my water?  Then I gotta buy my ketchup too??  Where am I!?  What is this world coming to?  (And that's when I had my first major culture shock mental breakdown).

Side stories that may or may not have anything to do with anything:
*I like how he asks what they call a "whopper" in Europe, and Travolta says, "I donno, I didn't go to BK."  I'm sure McD's payed for that... but still, I haven't been in a BK yet, and I don't think I want to, so I find it funny.
**For those of you back in the US:  Yes, I do buy water.  And I buy it proudly with carbonation.  I know most Americans don't like it, but it's delicious.
***In Brazil, I'm pretty sure I remember them putting Ketchup on their pizza.  Maybe that's where I belong.

How to become a problem solver... create problems for yourself: Ski Trips with the Schwandt's

Guest Post by Tom Schwandt.  My comments in blue.

Hello followers of Brian’s Blog!  I have the honor of being a guest writer on Brian’s blog, I will try to write clearly, descriptively, and hope to stay on topic much better than Brian does when he writes blog posts, and that shouldn’t be too hard.  If you are new to Brian’s blog, welcome!  His blog about his time in Germany, if you come to learn something about a different culture, you’re out of luck, here it seems you will find out about just every random thought that goes through Brian’s mind such as inefficient double doors and stroopwaffles, which I find somewhat educational, let’s get started..

The past week we all spent the week in Montana snowskiing at Big Sky (our uncle is nice enough to let us stay at his condo).  Kevin (brother), Megan (girlfriend, not mine Kevin’s), Ryan (friend), Brian and I.  The story starts like any other, we were enjoying a relaxing vacation, the weather was warm, in fact Big Sky had never had so little snow, we were enjoying catching up with Brian.  Now, if you’ve ever been on a Schwandt Ski trip you would know this, but I’m convinced that if there is a Schwandt along… something bad will happen automobile related, it’s just the reality.*

Anyways, the weather was warm, the snow was not very good, it’s been one of the worst winters for Montana skiing in 25 years.  Instead  of paying for an expensive lift ticket, we decided to do some hiking and snow shoeing at a place called Beehive Basin (it’s free, you park, hike up and ski down).  SO, the five of us head out that day, and hike up and ski down once, it was a fun time.

Day 2, We all head up to Big Sky, the snow is still sub par.  Kevin and Megan decide that they will ski the day, Brian doesn’t really want to and I have a season pass at Big Sky so I have skied enough good days to not ski at Big Sky on a somewhat crappy day.  So I tell the group I’ll go hike up Beehive Basin again with Brian no problem.  Ryan has his work laptop and has some work to do so he stays in the lodge that day.  Brian and I head off to Beehive Basin.  We park the car, we open up the skibox on top with all our equipment, load up, and head off hiking.  The hike itself to the top takes us about 1 hour, maybe a little bit more.  I think it was more like two hours due to me being out of shape.

We get to the top, set all of our stuff down and sit at the top of the mountain for awhile, then I feel for the keys (Brian drove) and say  “oh Brian, I don’t think I have the keys, you have them?..”  Brian then replies, without checking his pockets, I don’t even know if he comprehended (I do this a lot) what I said “yup, got em!”, and both of us, like the idiots we are, didn’t question it!  Now let me tell you problem number one, Brian and I are really spacey and scatterminded, you never send us off to do anything, not alone and especially not both of us together, the results are bad when it’s anything organizationally related.

We ski back to the car, and brian looks through his pockets.. yes, no keys haha you couldn’t make this stuff up.  We search our back packs, my pockets, the car.. “who had the keys?” We don’t know.. “Did you put them in your pockets? I don’t know”.. let’s retrace our steps, ok, just a mile of snow between here and the top along with another mile of tracks we crossed to ski down.  Brian searches the car, and works on hotwiring the car via the internet (he’s an electrical engineer, how hard could it be? Like his recent power electronics exam, he worked in power electronics, how hard could it be?  I've seen movies... it takes them like 12 seconds... i really thought this was an option)  I hike back up to see if I can come across the keys.  Long story short, nothing and nothing.  We find no keys, we can’t hotwire the car.  We grab our stuff and start hiking up the road on our way out of beehive basin back to Big sky, about 5 miles away.  It’s snowing and there’s already two inches on the pavement.  After a mile a nice family from Maryland gives us a ride to Big Sky. 

We reunite with the rest of the group, and they take the news well, probably cause they’re not surprised that Brian and I would do something so stupid, and they probably blame themselves for letting me and Brian go by ourselves in the first place.  The next few days are a blend of us analyzing schedules for busses and shuttles, calling ex boyfriends (Megan's... not mine or Tom's) for rides, walking, running, hitchhiking, taxis, valet services to the Yellowstone club, jalapeno poppers, steam rooms without steam, phone calls to car dealerships, and much more.  It would take too long to tell but it’s worth hearing so please ask Brian and you’re sure to enjoy it J.   But in the end Brian and I went to Bozeman and got another key made for our car and we made it back to Fargo safely and on time.  Brian and I are engineers, you see, we think critically, we’re good at solving problems… we also usually cause the problems, maybe that’s why we’re good at solving them?? Food for thought..  Thanks for reading, and tune in for next year’s family ski trip, it’s bound to be an exciting one!

It should be noted that we let the car sit in the backcountry of Big Sky for about 3 days.  Prioritizing is important, and our priority was to enjoy the snow that was about to come.  Right after we lost the keys we got a lot of snow.  We skied the Yellowstone Club the next day, which is where billionaires like to ski (seriously... google it), then we skied big sky the next day.  Great skiing!  By the time we got to the car... it looked like this: 

When I got there people were checking out the car wondering if someone had died in an avalanche or something... Nope!  Just a couple people that can't keep track of their keys!  

The whole experience was pretty exciting.  We still don't know who to blame for loosing the keys.  It was probably Tom... but it could also have very well been me.

*We’ve had transmissions blow out, hitchhiked, slept at mechanics shops overnight, had dead batteries, had people fall asleep at the wheel, been rear ended by grey hound busses, had Ski toppers fly off, people throwing up, etc. etc. and etc.

Why I need health insurance for my trip home

Last night I had a dream.  I dreamt that I needed to figure out how to get my health insurance to work in the United States.  It's been something that's been on my mind, but I keep forgetting to do it.  It is a dire necessity, and I'll explain why.

I go back home in about a week.  Land of the free, home of the brave.  People ask me if I miss home.  Of course I miss my family and friends, and I finally get to see my nephew, "The Little Lion Man" as I call him, next week when I go back. 

But one thing that I miss is doing crazy things with my buddies.  You see, growing up, my friends and I lived in a little place called Fargo-Moorhead.  That's two towns on the boarder of ND and MN.  There's not a lot going on there other than farming and some lakes.  Those lakes provide tons of entertainment, but we have no hills at all. People here say the Netherlands is the flattest place in Europe. I don't have to imagine, for I come from the land of flatness. In the winter time it gets so cold that you either have to hibernate like bears, or you have to get creative. 

Well, me and my friends have a history of getting creative.  Here's what I miss.  I miss my buddies, Steve and Lief calling me up:

"Brian!  We're going to the lake, we're going wakeboarding!"  (this call usually comes the day of, but it has been in their head for years)

I say, "It's February" (which in our part of the world means it's most likely -30 degrees F)

"I know right!?  It's going to be crazy" 

I respond, "Yeah… it will be that." 

"So you in?"

Now I have to be honest, I don't always participate, but when something this crazy is going down, how can you say 'no'.  So I respond, "Yeah… when are we going?"

So today I woke up to a video* from a friend of mine that I have been looking forward to for quite some time.  It's the video that I wish had my name in the list at the end :)  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQgAdClKvDE 

This is just the stuff that we do.  Crazy creativity at its finest.  Mostly involving skiing, wakeboarding, climbing, or something random.  Studies show** that boredom is good for your creativity.  Well they should take that study to Fargo-Moorhead, because I think we've already proven it.  Here's a list of some things that me and/or my friends have done.  And just for fun, I'll mention which ones were stopped by cops.

• Made a ski jump in the parking lot of Little Caesar's (little pizza joint).  - stopped by police***
• Climbed churches - stopped by police
• Climbed the University buildings
• Pulled a couch behind a pick-up truck on the ice - stopped by police (probably a good call on their part)
• Random back-flips with my brother Dan
• Several times wakeboarding through ditches - often stopped by police
• Pond skimming on snow skis or wakeboard
• Wakeboarding in the winter
• Making a ski jump at the skate park - stopped by the police
• Crazy 4th of July shenanigans
• Skiing in speedos  
• One of my favorites was making a ski jump in Steve's grandpa's back yard, which we did twice.  To do it justice, I need to show a picture to properly appreciate the craziness.

(That jump may or may not have involved two cracked teeth and 19 stitches).  Also, remember we don't have hills, so that jump meant we had to pull behind a snowmobile at about 

I also miss driving 17 hours with my cousin Andrew to go skiing and then sleeping in a Walmart parking lot because we were low on cash. 

People in Europe think it's crazy that we drive so far for things.  And I don't disagree.  But when you've driven 12 hours to go skiing for two or three days so many times, you start to get used to it.  These same guys in the winter wakeboarding video above have driven 14 hours to Colorado to go skiing.  I don't remember if it was for 1 or 2 days, but I remember telling them they were crazy.  They responded by telling me I was crazy for not coming :)

My brothers and I one time sat in our parents room and talked about our near death experiences.  We've all been dangerously close… it's amazing we've all survived this long!

People always tell me to be careful when I go out to the mountains to go skiing.  "Be careful!!"   What's funny is that I probably need health insurance more for when I am in Fargo-Moorhead. So I gotta get my health insurance figured out, because Steve and Lief still live there, and they will most likely call me up to do something crazy. 

Side Stories that may or may not be relevant to anything:

*If you want to see more, just go to YouTube and search "Steve Ystebo."  There is a lot more where that came from. 

**I haven't read this study, nor do I know if it exists, but I heard something along these lines one time.

***The cop was befuddled that we would do this.  He said, "Look I'm sure this is fun and shit, but just, well, do it in Fargo next time."   You can see that we have lots of experiences 

Netherlands: Sodom or home of something delicious?

So what many of you may not know yet, is that I live in a city called Aachen (you gotta make that loogie making sound again).  Or if you are from France, it is Aix la Chapelle (no idea how to pronounce that one… my French* accent is terrible).     Aachen, is located right next to the Netherlands.  And I make frequent trips there.  I probably go there 1 time a week on average. 

Now, I think we all know one thing that the Netherlands is known for: Ganja (weed).  Cause you can smoke weed there legally.  It's like a wise man once said, "You can't go to Amsterdam and not smoke weed, it's like going to Rome and not drinking wine**." 

But what else are they known for?  Amsterdam's red light district.  When I went to visit Amsterdam, of course we had to visit the red light district.  I was expecting something shady, back in the alleys somewhere out of sight, and we would have to watch our backs or pockets or something.  Aachen has a red light district that I would expect.  It is in an alley that you normally wouldn't take, and it is arguably shady.  My brother Tom (remember, the fluent German speaker from his time in Brazil) was walking back to the center of town and he and my dad got a bit lost, so they walked down this alley.  He was minding his own business, convinced he doesn't need a map (because he ain't no stinkin' tourist), and then a girl reached out and grabbed him, which caused him to yell and jump about 3 feet away (he is really jumpy***).  She tried to woo him into her quarters after giggling to herself, and Tom said "No thanks."  You see Tom doesn't need to buy it.  The ladies flock to him once he starts to dance (check out the video below5).  

My roommate showed me a map called "Europe According to the USA" and Netherlands was called "Sodom".  The red light district and legalized marijuana may be the reason for that stereotype…  (it's pretty accurate I think, haha, silly Americans) 

What else is the Netherlands known for?  They are really tall.  Germans are really tall.  I've learned this.  I see so many people taller than me, way taller.  And the Netherlands is filled even more of these giants.  Sure there are tall people in the US as well.  My boss was like 6'9"… but what was his ancestry?  German.  

I think they are also known for pancakes, Anne Frank, Van Gogh, the list goes on.

What is it that makes me go back there on a frequent basis?  It's a little something that I must admit I have become addicted to6.  It's called the Stroopwaffel.  Oh it's good.  They are so sweet, delicious, crispy, caramely, cinnamony wafers that I have come to so much enjoy.  I can't get enough of them.  Eat one with a cup of coffee and you got yourself a divine experience.  That's something that the Netherlands is NOT known for.  And it ought to be in my opinion!  So starting now, I'm going to spread the word on their behalf for their delicious stroopwaffels.  I think I can even smell them now as I write about them.  I'm seeking help…  But hey… at least I don't have a worse addiction… like gambling… Oh that reminds me… I still have to tell the story of losing 100 Euro in Paris.

Side Stories that may or may not be relevant to anything:

*When I lived in the US, I always thought, "Why would I ever learn French?  I don't know anyone who speaks French."  I even told that to a buddy of mine about Italian before I decided to come to Europe.  Now, I have visited France 3 times and a couple of my friends are always speaking Italian.

**Wanna know who said that?  Me…  although the wisdom of that statement is questionable at best.

***Me and my brothers, at the lake, used to make sure that we all went to bed before him.  So when he, being the good boy he is****, was brushing his teeth, like our mom (best dental hygienist in the world btw.) taught us to.  We would all hide in the dark in waiting like a flock of wolves.  And when he came out we would scream and scare him, and he would freak out so bad.  He would jump as high as a kangaroo and scream like a frightened monkey.  The rest of us found it hysterical :D.   

****mind you he is about 20 in this story, which puts the rest of us at in the range of 14 to 27 years old.   And I'm pretty sure this was either the youngest or the oldest's idea… I can't remember who's it was…

I'm switching to numbers... the asterisks are getting out of hand!

5

He really breaks it down in the next video.  In this video if you watch closely you can see that there is a couple that is making out.  Notice that the guy stops kissing his girl so that he can watch Tom dance, and she actually wants to kiss him!  But he's like, "No no, I need to watch this guy dance. 

6When I was in the US, I also had an addiction.  It was called Juano's burritos and Romo's taco plates.  Oh how much I would give for a delicious Mexican burrito or taco.  Alas, I live so far from you, my former neighbor to the south.  How I long for the succulent Mexican burrito.  You can find me at these joints when I'm back in the US.  Or at least you could... but I just found out that Juano's is closing 3 days before I go back to the US!!!!  I am almost to tears as I write this.

Is the crust of bread the healthiest part of the loaf?

What I've realized as I've gotten older is that I've been dealt a pack of lies as I grew up.  One of those lies I was dealt was this one when I was in elementary school: "English is one of the hardest foreign languages to learn because it's full of complex rules and it often breaks those very same rules."  Now that I've met plenty of people from all over the world I've asked people if they thought English was hard to learn, and more often than not, they say, "Psh!  No!  English is easy!"  

For some reason this is a bit disheartening.  Maybe it was nice to know that you could do something that other people thought was hard.  Turns out it's more like me running the 200 meter dash in the inner most lane.  For some reason they put the slowest person on the inside.  Maybe it's so that I could think I was in first place.  In the first 100 meters I was always way ahead and I though, "I'm gonna win this!!"  But then everyone evens out, and I find out that I'm in last place.  Now that is a terrible feeling.  I whenever I got to that point, I always thought, "Why am I running this???  I'm a HIGH JUMPER for Pete's sake!"  Then I gave up, because it's not like I was going to get a second wind and come back in 100m.  I'm not fast... 

You know what isn't an easy language to learn?  German.  But that's not the topic of today's post. 

Another thing that I was told growing up was that the crust was the healthiest part of the bread.  You see some people don't like bread crust.  So they cut it off.  I wasn't one of those.  You didn't have to convince me to eat the crust.  I'm generally very hungry, so I devour the food in front of me whatever it is.  Unless it's french fries without ketchup; I need ketchup with my fries.   And no, I will not eat my fries with mayonnaise despite what these Europeans think.  Although I do like the curry ketchup.  And people keep telling me about this joppiesaus that I gotta try.  

Other kids I knew, however, had to be convinced to eat the crust, and for some reason, parents or teachers or whoever it was shaping our young minds, decided that the best argument was to tell us that the crust was the healthiest part of the loaf.  Of course after we learned that it was the opposite problem.  My buddies and I were sneaking into the bread cabinet rather than the cookie jar.  We were like a wild pack of Tasmanian devils  devouring just the crust and leaving the bread behind like the bones of our prey.  "We've gotta prevent cancer guys!"

So today, I was thinking about this as I was eating a delicious piece of vollkornbrot with Nutella.  I'll take a second to note: there are a couple things that I am on board with here in Germany.  One is Nutella*.  It's delicious.  Plus some things are hard or expensive to get here - things like peanut butter or maple syrup - and Nutella is a fine** substitute.  Another thing is Germany's bread.  They got this bread thing down.  German's rave about it.  They keep on talking about how Germany has such good bread, and how there are more than 500 types and so on.  For the most part, I would say that Germans are quite modest.  I haven't heard them brag about how good they are at Fußball*** even though their history in the World Cup is incredible (if you haven't heard… they won it last year).  But there are some things that they are proud of, and one of those things is bread.  It's somewhere behind the pride they have of their beer**** (that's a whole other topic).   So I've been exploring the different breads, and I've been quite impressed... Me and my buddy Alex rave about the Zwiebelbrot.

Anyway, as I was eating my bread with Nutella, I thought to myself, why would the crust of the bread be the healthiest part of the bread?  It's all the same ingredients isn't it?  To me it didn't make sense. So I consulted the internet.  And as it turns out it is true!  Turns out that some German research company did some study to find out that it has health benefits.  I'll let you do your own research, but I was relieved to find that everything I had learned growing up wasn't a lie.  Whew!  That could have been world shattering.

I don't get it though.  What is it with people that cut off the bread crust?  I really don't get it.  In fact, I think it's ridiculous.  It's why I didn't like Walter White right from the start of Breaking Bad.  In one of the first episodes he cuts off his bread crust.  What is that?  And then he has this connection with this meth dealer because this meth dealer doesn't like bread crust either?  Think about it for a second... this dealer is locked in a basement and is starving, and he can't eat the crust?  I mean really?  That's wasted food.  Forget the health benefits!  That's food right there… and you're too picky to eat the crust?  I decided right then and there that the story line was completely implausible. 

Side Stories that may or may not be relevant to anything:

*Invented during WWII by an Italian to ration the chocolate.  True story. 

**You have to say "fine" with emphasis: Imagine a really cute girl walking past and say, "Damn that girl is fine."  That's perfect.  Don't say it like you are answering the question of how you liked The Hobbit, which would be: "Eh, it was fine"  If you need an example, Brad Pitt says it in Inglorious Bastards:  "That's a FINE deal." 

*** Pronounced "foosball".  And no I don't mean the table game that we call foosball.  They call that kicker.  I'm talking about soccer.  But they are really good at kicker too.  I used to think I was ok at kicker, it turns out I am not good.  There is a whole new level of kicker over here.  I saw a guy practicing (practicing!!! Who practices foosball?  At a bar no less) and I was like, "Oh hey!  Möchtest du spielen?"  And he shrugged his solders, and was like "ok".  I think he knew he was going to destroy me.  And he did.  I got destroyed.  I now have no confidence in my foosball skills.

****American beer is better… (this statement will probably get more attention than the rest of the post :)  I can hear it now, "What do you mean American beer is better?"  "Amerikanisches Bier ist Pissen"  "What, you like Bud Light?"  Then they laugh at me and call me names… they are a bunch of bullies when it comes to beer ;)

How is it living in Germany? Take 2.

I want to start by saying that on the last post, I titled it before I wrote the post.  Now… that seemed like a good idea at the time.  But as it turns out… I didn't write much about how it is living in Germany.  That could be a problem… or I could just let it roll.  I'm going to let it roll.  Like a football rolling down a hill (not a soccer ball… an American football*), I tend to not go in a straight line.  I may jump around wildly from topic to topic.  Or I may not.  One could never know for sure on the outset of the post.  That's why it was a bad idea to title the post before I wrote it.  However, I'm going to turn it into a good thing!  Check it.  In the title, I'm going to ask a question of myself, or make a statement, or something.  And in the post I am going to do my best to answer it, defend it, and/or convince you of it.  So today, we're doing Take 2 on how it is living in Germany.    

Speaking of titles.  That reminds me of something**.  However, it doesn't fit very well into the flow of the post, which I know isn't very flowy, but I'm going to leave it in in any case.  However, but I'm not going to leave it in the main post.  I'm gonna do a side post.  A side post that I call Side Stories that may or may not be relevant to anything.  Check it out at the bottom.

The question in the title is very broad.  How do I answer that!?  I get asked it all the time.  "It's good… the weather is rainy sometimes, but I like it."  That's pretty much the answer I give.  It sucks and it's boring, I know.  I think I can do better.  And today I will. 

Germany.  It is indeed good.  I like living here.  There are good things and bad things.  Well maybe not bad things.  Bad sounds a bit strong.  Good things and not as good things.     Well that's not strong enough.  Good things and… no wait.  Let's go back and just say great, good, neutral, bad, and ganz schlecht. I mentioned weather already, so I will put that in the "good" column.  It's different, no doubt about that.  See, I come from Moorehad, Minnesota*** which is brass monkeys in the winter reaching temperatures of really cold and really really cold (like freeze your tits off cold), and temperatures of really hot in the summer.  I once played tennis in 120 degrees F (and humidity of like 200%... I might as well have been swimming).  Don't understand Fahrenheit?  Google it.  That's what I have to do cause everything is in Celsius here (good column… Fahrenheit**** is stupid… and Metric system goes in the good column too).  But it didn't rain all the time back home.  Which was a plus for Moorhead, and a minus for Aachen.  When I first moved here I was taking an umbrella out every time it started to sprinkle.  I would see people riding their bikes in the rain and think they were crazy, or at least I thought it sucked.  The first two weeks I was here I think it rained every day.  I was thinking to myself, "Great.  This is what I have to live in for the next two years?"  My dad and brother Tom came to visit me and I told them to bring an umbrella cause it would rain for sure!  But then it didn't rain the whole time they were here.  You guys got lucky!  Don't expect that every time!  Now, however, the rain doesn't bother me much.  You just get used to it.  Although, I did just bike home in the hail, and that was not ideal to say the least.  It kinda hurt actually.  

I like how people take advantage of a nice day here.  I often see people out playing Frisbee on a nice day, sitting in the park, running, I once saw a man and woman on a bike ride with a kid being pulled from behind on what I thought was a very cold day (remember where I'm from... if I say it was cold then it was.  You don't get to argue).  I don't recall often seeing that often in the US.  I think people are more active here (goes in the great column). 

Sundays everything is closed (good/bad).  People relax more, but it's a pain to find a place to eat or if you need to go to the supermarket you can forget it on Sundays and holidays.  Or you can bike to the Netherlands, which I do basically weekly to get some goods (I'll tell you about those later).  I had a plate of rice for supper yesterday with a cherry tomato on top cause I didn't have any food.  

Using cash is new… I'll put that in the bad column.  I'll tell you sometime about how I was swindled out of 100 Euro in Paris sometime.  

Girls are pretty (great column), but as far as Aachen goes, there aren't enough of them (ganz schlecht), and too many are taken*****.  

The University system is way different.  (not bad or good... just different... more later).  

Food goes in the bad column, I miss Mexican food, but if you are here, try the pork knuckle. 

And you should ask my friend, Whitney, about the vacation time here… it's unreal. 

Side Stories that may or may not be relevant to anything:

*For those who have never seen a football roll down a hill, I have another simile or two to help you out.  It's a lot like Alice wandering through her wonderland, like an antelope running for its life from a cheetah, or a humming bird jerking here and there, or like a box of chocolates, you don't know what… well I think you get the point.

**In my Deutsch Sprachkurs, we would have to read a paragraph about something, and then determine the title from a list of multiple choice answers.  Who would have thought that my language course could have been so practical!?

***Where is that?  It's on the boarder of ND and MN, next to Fargo.  Like Fargo the movie?!  Yes.  Like Fargo the movie.  Was that movie really based in Fargo?  No, it was based in Brainerd, MN.  Have you seen it?  Nope.  You gotta see it!  Do I?   - this is an example of typical conversation when I am asked where I am from-

****Herr Fahrenheit, so I've heard, came up with the scale by taking the temp of Frau Fahrenheit and calling that 100, and then taking the freezing point of salt water and calling that 0.  Dumb if you ask me.  He was German though, go figure.  Why is the US the only one that got conned to use it?

*****I have more than a couple stories on this topic, but yet another story for another time.  Oh, and I might as well put that in the "ganz schlecht" column while I'm at it.

How is it living in Germany?

It's been about 6.5 months since I moved to Germany.  Let's go back.  Back to the point where I was like, "How can I get to Germany?"  That started after my cousin, Andrew, moved here.  I decided that the way I would get here was through school.  I might was well take time to answer the most common question I get.  Why come to school in Germany?

Well that's a good question.  I can get it down to 4 quick sentences.  The school is cheap.  Work gets boring, and I have focus problems.  My cousin lives here.  And I want to get a master's degree without taking out a loan. Of course there is more to it, but that's the short and skinny. 

So, I was saying that I was going to go to school in Deutschland.  Well, as it were, I couldn't speak any German.  In fact, shortly after I decided to apply to school in Germany, I could not count to 2.  I think I could count to 1… but before Christmas of 2012, I couldn't count to 1. 

What happened around Christmas of 2012 you ask?  Well I might as well tell you right?  This is, in fact, Honest Insights from Brian… and my honest insights are less insights as much as my random thoughts. 

In 2012, I was on an Island called Ilha Grande with my two brothers, Tom and Kevin, and my Dad, who I refer to as "padre."  You see, our plane crashed, and we were alone on this Ilha Grande for 5 days… na na, I'm just kidding, it was a tourist destination and there were other people there.  Namely some Germans.  One morning, one of the German girls (a cute blond one at that) went up to the cakes that were out for breakfast and she looked back at her friends at the table, and asked, "Eins?"  Now my Brother Tom was living in Brazil for 6 months and he happened to live with a couple Germans.  Those Germans either tried to teach Tom to count, or Tom heard them speaking German and tried to learn to count based on that.  So, Tom, with his newly learned German, turns to us excitedly, like he is going to teach us something new, and says, "Oh, I know this word… it's 'seven'!"  The German girl, bless her heart, turned to Tom, smiled, and said, "Good!"  And Tom, still as excited as a puppy, says, "was I right?!"  And she, still smiling, says, "No, it's one."  Tom, obviously disappointed in his German speaking abilities, despite living in Brazil for 6 months, exclaims,  "Oh man!  I guess that makes sense… who would want SEVEN cakes!?" 

But here is the point:  I couldn't have guessed that eins meant one in 2012.  But the good news is that I think that I think I could honestly say that my German has been improving exponentially.  By December of 2013 I could count to at least 10, because after 10 days here visiting Andrew I picked up numbers 0-9 at the airport.  And I think I knew Rechts and Links because they always say on the trains, "Aufstieg in Fahrtrightung Rechts/Links."  And now… I think I can modestly say that I know at least 6 or 7 more words.

So anyway, I decided that I was going to go to Germany.  I like how I gave a 4 sentence answer to a serious question that I get at least weekly here, but then I take two long paragraphs to say that before I decided to come to Germany I didn't speak any German.  Haha.  Ridiculous.  No one is going to read this blog.  But I still have so many serious things to talk about like: more people die per year from cows than from sharks!  You see, I find it important to get an idea of your surroundings, you can't be too careful.  So I asked the indigenous people of Germany (or maybe they were Norwegian, I met a lot of Norwegians right away), "Is there any dangerous animals in Germany?  Poisonous spiders, snakes, bears, wolves, aligators, anything?  And they said, "We have cows!"  They proceeded to tell me that more people die each year from cows than from sharks.  That's great!  Now I have a cow-phobia.  I wonder if that is a thing.  I'm going to look it up.  Stay tuned….  According to an answer form that I found, there is no "clinical" name for it., which disappointed the person who posed the question who said, "dont think it exists...which is stupid coz there are alot of us."  Damn right there are lots of us!  It's a real thing, and we are not alone… and it's not for no good reason either!  Cows are probably out their disguising themselves as harmless sharks taking human lives!  And what are we to do?  Stand by and watch them do this?  They cannot do this to us!  Don't any of you see it!?  Cows are out there to take us off the planet and while we sit here watching the wheels go round!  Before you go to bed at night, check and see that your doors are locked, because you never know… that one night you don't check, there might be a cow out there in sheep's clothing waiting to off you.  Word to the wise:  Watch your back when there are cows around.

Oh… and living in Germany is good.

Honest insights from Brian

I figure that it might be time to start a blog.  Why?  I donno.  About what?  I guess just my random thoughts on random topics as I randomly go throughout life.  

Now.  A couple things at the onset. 

I thought about calling this "Life lessons with Brian."  I used to go on rants with close friends or family and I would call it "Life Lessons with Brian."  However, I can't guarantee that everything I say will be a lesson, and thus the word insights.  That's the beauty of that word.  It's just a "sight in" to my random thoughts.  No promises… no commitment… and that's the way I like it. 

If you are looking for intelligent insights, then you're barking up the wrong tree.  I'm not in the business of giving intelligent insights (that being said… if you are interested… we can talk business and rates… cause I got all kinds of good ideas!). 

This is more of an informal thing.  I'm not going to try and sound smarter than what I am, by looking up complicated words.  To try and fool you would be insulting your intelligence.  You're getting the plain and simple "Brian talk." 

You might have to suffer through some analogies, metaphors, or similes.  And I don't generally filter that.  You may hear some things, and ask yourself, "Do people say that?"  No.  They probably don't… but I do.  Why you ask?...  Oh… you didn’t?  Good cause I don't know. 

I may rant.  It's what I do.  It gets me into trouble sometimes.  Sometimes it's funny… sometimes its serious.  Sometimes it's serious but also funny, and sometimes it's seriously funny.  I may rant about strange things like how Europeans eat their Pommes with mayonnaise (what are Pommes you ask?  French fries…. You may also have to suffer some Deutsche Sprache now and again).  I may rant about double doors in Germany.  I may rant about other people ranting.  I probably won't rant about religion or politics, but I can't guarantee I won't.  I can, however, guarantee that it will be honest (not intelligent) insights.     

The reason I decided to do this was I wanted to write down some of my thoughts as I am living in Germany.  I make observations, and I usually let these observations fly out of my mouth with my friends here in Germany, and I think they are getting sick of it.  If you asked them how many times I've complained about ketchup and double doors, the number would probably be close to 10 (probably more… it might come up daily… don't get me started on double doors).  They roll their eyes every time I bring it up.  Anyway, that's what this blog is supposed to be… my random observations about random things that may or may not have anything to do with Germany.

Grammar.  If you are expecting good grammar… then you got another thing coming.  I ain't gonna talk proper fo nobody! And that includes German if I happen to write in German.  However, I will guarantee that in German I will try a lot harder to do it right :)  And I don't like proof reading my own writing.  I can barely read as it is.

I may sparse in some smiley faces here and there.  Don't like it?  Tough break.  Maybe I will just put a smiley that I am thinking of in words in parenthesis (left eyebrow raised and intense glance (followed by: wink( followed by: :) ).  Maybe not…

I'll try and keep the length to one page.  Longer than that would be ridiculous (you know I always spell that word wrong; I feel like it should be rediculous).<--could someone please tell me if that period should go before or after the parenthesis?  Or what about when you have quotes like: he said, "hey there."  I think it goes inside all the time.  I argued about this with an Italian friend of mine (and he eventually conceded because I fooled him into thinking that I had good grammar… haha! Sucker!!!

Ok.  That is enough intro, plus my page is basically finished.  Stay tuned for the next installment of Brian's Intelligent… oops! I mean Honest Insights from Brian.