Saturday, April 25, 2015

Ketchup and Mayonnaise

Buckle up for a very important blog post.  I'm going to talk one of the most vexing things about Europe.

One of the most common things that I am asked here in Europe or back at home is, "what is different?"

To introduce this topic, please watch this convo from Pulp Fiction* and note what Travolta says about french fries.




Did you catch it?  They drown their fries in mayonnaise.  At it really is as crazy as Travolta makes it sound. I'm as appalled by it as Samuel Jackson is there ;)  He is right about the small things too.  Just a bunch of little things that make the huge difference.

I myself, am a huge fan of ketchup.  And sometimes it's embarrassing asking for more ketchup, because they think I'm crazy.  They think I'm crazy because they bring the ketchup out in these tiny little packets.  You know, like the ones you grab at McD's or BK.  When I grab those in the US, I grab a handful.  So when I say to the server, "Can I have some more ketchup?"  Well naturally, he asks, "How many do you want?"  And now imagine my dilemma.  I start thinking to myself, 'How many is too many to ask to sound crazy?  The answer is of course somewhere around 4.  If you ask for 5, that's a handful.  That's a lot.  So I figure 4.  However, I need way more than 4.  I need like 10.  And now even most of the Americans, are thinking, "Whoa Brian, I was with you till you said you needed 10.  That's a bit overkill."  So, I ask for 4, and I'm learning to really enjoy my ketchup.

Why this is so important is because I like ketchup on my french fries and on my burger.  There's not enough for both!  If I don't have ketchup, then I might as well just skip the french fries.  So that's what happens.  People ask me how I've lost so much weight.  (People actually did ask me that when I was back in the US).  Well, the answer is simple.  I don't get enough ketchup with my fries, so I don't eat as many french fries.  That's gotta be it.

That or it could also be because I do a bunch of walking and biking to class.

Or perhaps because when I go shopping for food, I only have enough room in my bag for the necessities.  By the time I have water**, meat, veggies, fruit, eggs, and bread there is no room for pop or candy.  Just that little bit of inconvenience is enough to stop me from eating a bunch of junk food.

Or perhaps it's because they have different brands of candy, and I'm not willing to do the search for my new favorite types.  Look, I've spent my whole life developing my fine tuned taste for candy, I can't just start liking other candy!  Well, I could.  But it's too much effort to learn that all over again.  I got enough stuff to learn here.

So ketchup is in short supply here in Germany.  For me that is terrible.  But there are all kinds of other sauces, and some of those are good.  But I still haven't tried this so called "joppie" sauce (pronounce the "j" like a "y").  I think that's what it's called.  It's apparently all the rage.

Do you know where french fries were invented?  Someone asked me why we in the US call them french fries if they were invented in Belgium.  I said, "no, they're freedom fries."  But I didn't know they were invented in Belgium.  I looked it up on Wikipedia and it said that there has been an ongoing dispute about who invented them, France or Belgium.  I have no idea, but apparently France has our buy-in in the US.

Get this too!  I was at McDonalds, I asked for ketchup, and I was told I had to buy my ketchup!  At McDonald's!!  How ridiculous is that.  First I gotta buy my water?  Then I gotta buy my ketchup too??  Where am I!?  What is this world coming to?  (And that's when I had my first major culture shock mental breakdown).

Side stories that may or may not have anything to do with anything:
*I like how he asks what they call a "whopper" in Europe, and Travolta says, "I donno, I didn't go to BK."  I'm sure McD's payed for that... but still, I haven't been in a BK yet, and I don't think I want to, so I find it funny.
**For those of you back in the US:  Yes, I do buy water.  And I buy it proudly with carbonation.  I know most Americans don't like it, but it's delicious.
***In Brazil, I'm pretty sure I remember them putting Ketchup on their pizza.  Maybe that's where I belong.